He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
