What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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