Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
