He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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