I need help removing her.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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