WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
