In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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