I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
