forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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