my mouth tastes like poor choices
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
