suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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