I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
