I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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