careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
