We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
