the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize