No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
