Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
