O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
