if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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