Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
