Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize