I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
