I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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