You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
