My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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