and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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