how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
