My underwear smells like fireworks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We had sex on a dog bed..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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