and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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