just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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