Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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