You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
