I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
