You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
