explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
