she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
