MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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