just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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