Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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