Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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