After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
