grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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