Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
