look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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