Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
