Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
