i just had sex bonerless
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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