Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
