I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
