So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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