he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
