It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
