how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
