If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
