My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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