Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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