peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
