i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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