Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
