One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
