can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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