I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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