How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
