meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
