Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
MIDGETS
????
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
