Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They have beer where we have blood.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize