you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
