i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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