Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
