My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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