Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
