i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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