Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
