I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
