he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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