The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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