i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
