Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
