he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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