I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I will be naked everywhere
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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