yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
