dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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