Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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