Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you win again, gameday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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