My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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