She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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