He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
