Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
