My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize