You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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