Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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