Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
