Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
