my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
