he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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