what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
