I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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