If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
