My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We are all done wearing pants today
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
