We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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