So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Are my feet made of real feet?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
