Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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