oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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